A request for help

Hey folks,

As most, if not all, of you are aware, I am a transgender woman hoping to have G.C.S. (Gender Confirmation Surgery) before too long and I can have that surgery once I’ve met certain criteria. I’ve met all criteria except the need to be on H.R.T. (Hormone Replacement Therapy) for one year. As of December 21, 2019, I will have also met that requirement.

The surgeon I want to perform my surgery is Dr. Marci Bowers in the Bay area. In my opinion, and that of many others, she is the best of the best. This means that she is highly sought after by transgender people all over the world. As such she has a waiting list, and as you can imagine, it is a rather lengthy list and getting longer every day. Right now she is scheduling surgeries 3-4 years out. One caveat to this is she has a cancellation list, which means it is possible to have surgery sooner because of cancellations but that list is also long and getting longer.

I was really excited because I recently found out that, even though I’ve not been on H.R.T. for 1 year yet, I can get on her waiting and cancellation lists. I believe managing to get on those lists would help me not be such a basket case because then I could see light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately I’m currently unable to get on those lists, that keep getting longer the longer I wait, because I need to put down $1000.00 which I do not have.

It has been suggested by folks to create a Gofundme and ask for donations. I’d rather not use the Gofundme platform but I am willing to ask for help.

I realize times are tight for us all but if you could spare a little something to help me raise the needed $1000.00 down payment, I would be quite appreciative. I am posting a link to my PayPal account for anyone who is willing and able to donate money to help me towards my goal. Thank you in advance to those who provide some assistance.

If you can’t or are unwilling to help I fully understand. There is no need to post replies of “I wish I could” or some other words explaining why you can’t and I would ask you to refrain from doing so.

https://www.paypal.me/MarieWilla

Boys Don’t Do That!

She was born on a cool spring morning in early May.
Congratulations mom and dad, you got a beautiful bouncing baby boy!
She was given a little pat on the butt.
And she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

She stood on her little feet in the foyer holding the hand of the social worker.
“I DON’T WANT HIM BECAUSE HE LOOKS TOO MUCH LIKE HIS GOD DAMNED FATHER!”
And she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

She loved to play with dolls, dress pretty and hang out with all the other little girls.
Her parents wouldn’t allow her to continue that kind of behavior.
And she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

She had some beautiful blonde wavy hair.
They made her put grease in her hair, removing the beautiful waves.
And she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

They took her to a psychologist to see what was wrong with her.
The doctor said there’s nothing wrong with her, just let her be her.
They couldn’t do that and instead the abusive discipline escalated.
And she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

She sang with a wonderfully beautiful high soprano voice and was always asked to join various chorus groups.
But her parents made her intentionally try to deepen her voice.
And she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

Just be yourself and people will love you they told her.
When she tried to be herself they continued to beat her without mercy.
And she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

She always tried to run away from her bullies and hide in her house to be safe.
Her parents always made her go out to fight her bullies and beat them without mercy.
She hated that.
And she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

She would play dress up in her mom’s clothes and makeup.
It’s just a phase that you’ll grow out of she was told.
And she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

She tried on her mom’s bikini, saw herself in the mirror and was astounded at how beautiful she looked and felt.
She closed her bedroom door with great shame and tried to remove the appendage from between her legs because it didn’t belong to her but she failed.
And she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

She built a cage, climbed inside, locked the door, thought she threw away the key and created the image of the man everyone told her to be.
She raged and she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

She started finding ways to be free from the cage, she built, without anyone knowing she was there but her captor was astonishingly unaware.
So she raged and she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

Her captor, somehow shamefully aware of her existence started exhibiting and participating in extremely risky behaviors to make her go away.
So she raged and she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

Her captor gave her brief joyous moments of freedom by allowing her to dress up and see herself in private, because no one could know of her existence but due to great fear and shame her captor always locked her away again.
So she raged and she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

Her captor tried to take her with them to their grave but she wouldn’t allow that to happen. Her rage began to rip the bars off her cage in order to be free but her captor fought hard to rebuild the walls of her cage.
So she raged and she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

Years of raging and hateful denial finally took its toll on her.
Her loving wife and her captor spit angry words of venom at each other as she tried to break free from her self-imposed exile inside.
She raged and she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

(Blink)

The walls were being ripped apart faster than they could be rebuilt and then they were no more.
And she cried.
“Boys don’t do that!”

Except I AM a girl
and I DO that.

(Blink)

Written by Marie Willa Bobo-Smith
June 19, 2019

“Just Be” kind

A friend of mine shared this heartbreakingly beautiful testimony of his life that resonated with me in that our parents tried to repress the parts of us they didn’t want, his was the boy or manly aspects whereas mine was the girl or feminine aspects. He has given me permission to share his story. Does any of it resonate with you? If you’re willing to talk about it please do because I believe it could be helpful to someone else to hear that they are not alone.

“Growing up in our house we followed the Lord’s Words as interpreted by my mom primarily.
She disliked traditional masculinity before “toxic masculinity” was even invented.
When I was a little kid I was fascinated by the drums, 80s hair band rock music, and motorcycles. I liked the ninja turtles and GI Joe and toy guns and war games and fast noisy cars. I wanted to hunt and fish and box.

But I wasn’t allowed a drum set and rock music was frowned on in our religious household because they weren’t praising Jesus all the time and the rocker lifestyle was too wild.
Motorcycles were too dumb and dangerous- “no one should have them!”
Ninja Turtles didn’t respect authority and GI Joes were violent.
Standing up to pee made a mess.
Why couldn’t I be more like my sisters, mom would gripe.
If there was a way to riff on this theme and squash boyish interests and behaviors, mom found a way to do it.

But drums weren’t just awesome- I knew deep down that given the chance to play them I could really do it and do it well.
One day I got a chance and played a full drum kit- naturally and competently enough to jam with friends the first time I sat behind them.
I snuck over to a friend’s house and learned to ride his big brother’s GSX-R 750 motorcycle in his front yard. Way too much bike for 14 year olds the first time out but we survived.

My interest in the military became an obsession with history. I signed up for the Marines my senior year and joined the military the next fall. There was a war on so I got my chance to play the big boy war games and finally bought my own motorcycles and pissed standing up.
I found happiness in my element with my male friends with whom I had lots in common except sports fanaticism which I never really understood.

All this to say that it seems to me I was born with certain natural inclinations to an ideal self-image that persisted despite my parents’ best efforts to raise a neutered Christian man.
Number one that’s not the point of religion.
Number two we all have themes that are intrinsic to our self expression.

I didn’t set out to become the man I became and I don’t spend time trying to prove myself to others. I just AM WHO I AM and I’m still plenty in touch with my feminine side thanks to mom.
So why doubt a trans person’s intuitions?
And why try to raise a child in your own image especially if you secretly hate yourself or your own dad or whatever.

Take a look at a few of the things you identify with and ask yourself how you’d feel if those qualities were derided, disparaged, or discouraged. Or outright forbidden.

What if you’re a musician who was never allowed to play music?
An athlete who wasn’t allowed to play any sports?
A student who wasn’t taught to read?
Imagine being trans and then maybe stop trying to make “being trans” fit your concept of reality for a little bit.

“But sexuality and gender aren’t hobbies!”
Really? I think hobbies are just as important as gender- how about that?
Being yourself is a perfectly fine hobby.
Just be courteous about how late you stay up banging the drum set.
Just be kind.”